Hey everyone who still reads my blog, lol. I've thought about this for a fairly long time, and I've come to a decision that I should move my posts to a new site. This current site has had a history of around 5 years and it was a very difficult decision for me to give it up. Looking back on all those memories just gives me a huge wave of nostalgia. There are some posts that I read now and I want to laugh at my past self. Some memories are meant to be buried. I think I need a fresh start, with a more organised blog with organised thoughts, so that's what I'll be doing.

I won't be deleting this blog just yet; I'll remove it forever at the end of the year as a permanent closure to all my past life events. I'll be moving some of my posts in this blog to the new one, mainly the book reviews and some of my own reflective posts from this year. I'll also be keeping the same URL for my new site, dulcetspiel, and I'll be changing the URL for this blog to thyhilary.blogspot until the end of the year where I'll delete it.

So what can you expect in my new site? Pretty much the same things, just that I hope to organise them into a more structured site, and I'll be adding in my thoughts on my daily QTs, as well as music I'm currently listening to or playing (classical music or not). You'll see more when I put my new site up.

Yes, so. Things that are meant to be buried will be buried forever and I'll be starting a new thread of history from next week onwards. It's been a good 5 years on this site, and I thank all my readers for reading my posts, whether they were boring or entertaining. I'll see you guys later, cheers :)
A new month, again. It feels like 2014 is going by too quickly. Still unsure of the future and the path I'll take. At a crossroad where a lot of thinking and overthinking and speculation is involved. Another month of new experiences, of joy, hurt, happiness, pain, disappointment. Things may happen, we just don't know yet.

-xx-

I just want you to know this: you aren't the only one hurting. Call me selfish, but by shutting yourself away from your loved ones, you hurt them. You don't feel it because you're buried in your own miserable pit of self-pity. You're surrounded by your own negativity and it traps you in a well so deep that you do not realise the things you are doing to the people around you. You are selfish for wallowing in your own shit and for refusing to open up to anyone who wants to help you. People want to share your pain, to share your sorrows and bitterness and you just shut them out because you "don't feel like talking" and "want to be left alone". Doing so is like piercing a million nails in their souls. You expect people to help and make you feel better but you don't take the initiative to open up; how then is anyone supposed to help you, even if they wanted to?

You think you're hurting the most; but oh how incredibly wrong you are.
It's really funny how one can plan for one's life in such detail, and then end up embarking on another path entirely. As I gradually receive university offers into courses I didn't even know about last year, I came to realise one thing: we can lay everything in our lives out, but in the end life just isn't what you expect it to be.

I initially wanted to study music in the UK; I went about telling all my friends about how determined I was about it, and they believed me. Even I believed it myself. Now I'm faced with the dilemma of which school to study in Singapore, and no, the course I'm looking at isn't music.

It's funny how time just flies by and it seems like my thoughts and impressions changed overnight, but of course that isn't the case. Over time I realised how music is a really niche course, and how if I do specialise in it I have to look forward to a tough life here in Singapore. Not to criticise anything or anyone, but being a musician in Singapore is tough, and I respect every single thriving local musician. Now that I think about it I don't feel that I can be such an excellent musician. I've seen people around me, students who genuinely have a passion in music, and I see how they shape their surroundings to suit their passion. For me, music is more of an interest than a passion. I like music, I can play, I can analyse, but I don't see myself doing it for the rest of my life. Thus my decision.

I'd rather keep music as a personal hobby - going for concerts, playing new pieces, learning new instruments - I would love to do these in my own free time. But having to do it as a lifetime job would probably just tire me out. I want to discover other things out there in the big ugly world, and at the same time keep and maintain my love and talent in music.


No. of pages: 500+
Plot: 4/5
Characters and development: 4.5/5
Overall: 4/5

Once again, this was a book I managed to borrow from the library. Delirium is the first book in a trilogy by acclaimed novelist Lauren Oliver. I started reading this book right after I finished reading The Program, so I felt that there were a number of similarities between the nature of these two books, the most major one being that they both have their plots revolving around a disease: for The Program, it's depression, and for Delirium, it's love.

In Delirium, we slowly discover how the human population has come to think that love, or amor deliria nervosa, is the foundation for all problems and conflicts, such as hatred, war, pain, etc. So they invented a "cure" which involves an operation so that people would become immune to the disease and their lives would go on smoothly. Of course one setback is the need to continue the human population, and without love the only way they were able to do it is to have matches lined up for them. So in a way, people would get married and have kids because it was an obligation to do so and to ensure the continuity of the human race. There were screwups, obviously, like cases of mothers drowning their children in toilet bowls because the parents just don't feel attached to their children at all. Oliver paints a picture where a child falls and starts crying but the parents just don't care. Also, it broke my heart in the scene where a dog got hit by a regulator and the owners just left it to die outside in pain because they felt nothing.

The plot centres around Lena, a girl who at first was looking forward to the day of her procedure where she would become "safe" from the deliria. As the story progresses we see how the walls she puts up are broken down by a guy called Alex, with whom she eventually falls in love with. She also has a best friend, Hana, with whom she always hangs out with, takes jogs with, etc. I loved how smoothly Oliver was able to develop these individual characters, especially Lena, and how the things around her affected her ideas on love. I loved Hana throughout the book - how she was so daring to step out of conformity unlike Lena, and how she was such a major influence on Hana's eventual shift in mindset.

I can't wait to read the next book in the trilogy (Pandemonium), and see how Lena's future turns out. For all who have read the book before, you'll know what I mean when I say I was really bummed at the end of the book.

I would recommend this book to people who like dystopian series like The Hunger Games. The concept of having love as a disease itself is highly intriguing and you have to wonder how people even live without it. Oliver paints the situation very well in showing how people are so afraid of love and how it is pretty much a taboo that warrants even a death penalty if mentioned.

Quotes from Delirium:
"Love: A single word, a wispy thing, a world no bigger or longer than an edge. That’s what it is: an edge; a razor. It draws up through the centre of your life, cutting everything in two. Before and after. The rest of the world falls away on either side. Before and after - and during, a moment no bigger or longer than an edge."

"Sometimes I feel like if you just watch things, just sit still and let the world exist in front of you - sometimes I swear that just for a second time freezes and the world pauses in its tilt. Just for a second. And if you somehow found a way to live in that second, then you would live forever."

"I know the past will drag you backward and down, have you snatching at whispers of wind and the gibberish of trees rubbing together, trying to decipher some code, trying to piece together what was broken. It’s hopeless. The past is nothing but a weight. It will build inside of you like a stone."
I have found my greatest flaw: spending WAY too much money. This February I spent over $500 and this month, I spent over $800. Over 800 BUCKS. I told myself I wasn't going to go over my expenditure for February but evidently I've failed. I'm not even working any more so my income is going to stop soon. But wait. I need to blame my explosive March expenditure on something.

Last night on my way home I got stopped by a salesgirl from a skincare shop. Obviously one of the more branded shops, their products were expensive and they kept promoting them to me. Somehow the things they wanted me to buy just piled up on top of each other. I tried telling them I had no money and I was not going to buy the products then but oh no, they insisted and kept on insisting. They didn't even wait for me to agree to buy the products before saying, "Oh so you're paying by cash or card?" Maybe I'm just not strong-willed enough but eventually after over an hour in the shop I relented and bought over $100 worth of skincare products because of some "promotion" they were having.

I. Am. So. Pissed.

Perhaps this is the only way I'm going to learn to be more ruthless when it comes to dealing with salesmen and women. In the end the only person I can blame is myself because after all, the sales people are just doing what they have to do to promote their company's products and I became a victim. I let myself become the victim. I can't believe I ended up spending over 800 bucks this month, and I'm not even paying for any bills of any kind. Spending is definitely my greatest flaw.

I hope I never forget this experience. A life lesson encompassed inside that hour spent in that shop. Seriously, guys, I pity that you have to spend so much effort promoting your products, but from here on I am NOT going to be so kind as to patronise your shops any longer, especially if you have some "promotion" because that's just a way to get my attention. I was stupid. But I won't be any more.

After discussion with PH last night and beating myself up over the incident, we decided that next month my spending limit will be $200. Fortunately I still have the last income from my internship coming in next month so at least that'll compensate for some of my spending this month. Yes, $200 is enough for one month if I go completely budget, and going budget is something I have to do for a while to regulate my poor spending habits. This means no shopping, no fine dining or high tea, no impulsive buying, as well as constant checking and recording of my own expenditure. The idea of this limit is not to reduce my spending, but to keep within the damn limit.

I hope I have the discipline to go through with this plan.
I've taken a lot to writing recently, writing on blogs, essays, reflections, articles, etc. It's draining and therapeutic at the same time, and I still don't really know if I want to do something related to journalism in the future.

ANYWAY. Let's talk about my Clarke Quay adventures with PH yesterday :) Hadn't gone to Clarke Quay for years until that day I went to the Cat Cafe and just fell in love with the place. The atmosphere is amazing - so calm and peaceful - and just walking along the roads and down the rows of shops and through the underpasses can be very romantic and simply lovely. When PH asked me to go with him for lunch at Clarke Quay I was so happy just to be able to go there again. (Unfortunately the place we were going to eat at was already past the last lunch order by the time we got there.)

Beware: many photos ahead. Hahaha.





Have you ever heard of Love Locks? It is a concept taken from other parts of the world such as France and Italy, where it is believed that if a couple lock a lock on a fence and throw away the key, their love will be locked forever. They brought it to Singapore and there's just a small collection of them at Clarke Quay. I've never actually seen a collection with my own eyes before, so when I chanced upon it in Clarke Quay, I had to take a photo because of how pretty it looked, and how there are so many couples who valiantly took this pledge to make their love last a lifetime and more.













So yes, Clarke Quay is an absolutely amazing and beautiful place. If you've never been there before, and you enjoy scenic walks and quiet afternoons, I strongly encourage you to go. This area is one in Singapore you will not want to miss. Even if you're just going out for a casual chat with your friends, Clarke Quay is one of the places you should consider going to (if you don't mind food a little on the upper end). And it's always nice to bring your other half out here just to sit by the river and have a cold, refreshing beer.
Written by Calista Fung
26 Mar 2014

If left to my own devices, I love being comfortable. I love things that are easy. Who doesn’t? But sometimes, I love to be too comfortable. (Don’t you?) I want to expend minimum effort whilst receiving maximum return. I want to wear pajamas and stay inside all day but still fall in love. I want to take a month to reply to an email from my friend in another city, and then wish we were closer. I want to ace my exams without studying for them. I read articles telling me that I am enough, that I don’t ever need to change, that self-love is the best and only love — and then I do nothing to change this.

Let’s be clear. Being too comfortable is not self-love. How am I loving myself when I encourage stagnancy? How am I loving myself when I’m not forcing myself to grow? Growing is a process. It takes time, but more than that, it takes discipline. It is a conscious choice. Nobody likes to do it, but you need to. You need to face the hard fact that you can always be a better version of yourself and if you want to change, the only way is to change something in your life. Otherwise, you will always be the same. You will be here and everything and everybody will leave you behind.

You will not grow by remaining. You will not grow by settling into routine and putting things off until any period of later time. You will not grow by making excuses, by doing the bare minimum to get by. You grow by stretching yourself. You grow by taking the extracurricular that will take up every Saturday afternoon because even though you want to sleep in and watch movies, you could be learning something new.

Living life on the edge doesn’t always mean big trips filled with metaphorical meaning. Sometimes it’s just sitting next to a stranger and asking them how they are instead of pulling out your cell phone to avoid conversation. Sometimes it’s joining that club you don’t have all that much interest in and surprising yourself if you like it. You could read a book outside the normal genre you reach for. You could try new music, visit an art gallery, observe another religion for a week. Why not go into that ethnic restaurant you pass by everyday to get to work? Sometimes it’s just starting something you meant to get around to but somehow always pushed back.

Growing means gratitude and acknowledgment of everybody around you who loved you and collectively raised you. Growing means apologizing for your mistakes. Or it could be being the bigger person. It could be choosing to forgive somebody. It could be choosing to forgive yourself.

Here’s the thing: you don’t have much time. You’re alive now and not later, not before. One day, it will be too late to start speaking a new language or meeting a new friend (no matter how socially awkward you think you may be) or cooking a new dish you always thought you couldn’t. Stop doing things based on how convenient they are for you. Life is inconvenient.

It’s hard work, this growing business, because to grow means you have to step out of your circle. It means you have to move. But, I promise, the pay-off is amazing. There’s a whole world out there and it’s beautiful and you could drown in wonder just experiencing a small slice of it, one Saturday afternoon at a time.
I consider myself to be a pretty sensitive person, even an overly sensitive one. When I hear something that was meant to be a joke but sounded like a mock to me, I start holding a grudge. When a seemingly harmless action seems offensive to Christianity to me, I fire up. I'm someone who wants everyone to be happy, who doesn't want anyone to hate me, who would do anything to right a wrong or fix a relationship. Okay, maybe that's more of insecurity than sensitivity, but I do become very sensitive to the things I hear and see around me.

However, I do not hold onto a grudge against someone to the point of years or months after the said incident. In addition, the said incident was not even proven to be true. In fact, it's false. I understand your protectiveness, but what you claim to have happened did not even transpire. When I found out why you are so angry with me to block me off all social media (yes I keep track like that), I felt shocked. Because what you claim had happened occurred over a year ago now, and yet you're still holding on so tightly to your anger against me. Even I don't hold a grudge for that long, let alone show it. Just goes to show how petty and unreasonable and pathetic you are. Childish.

So this is one friendship/relationship I'm willing not to mend; what are you to me anyway? It's not like we were close to begin with, so I can't really be bothered. I'm fine with having enemies; it just shows that I stood up for something. Continue holding a grudge if you wish, let it seep the life out of you while I get on with my own life. Cheers.
Oh gosh it's March already! Time has flown by so quickly this year and I can't really believe it. I'm ending my TIP at my school in a week's time now and that is just so fast! :( Being a teacher has really grown on me and I really really hope to be able to come back to this industry in the future to teach music, ideally. And no I don't mind spending practically my whole life in school, because I'm comfortable there.

Okay, so I haven't done an update for a very long time, so this post is going to be a casual update / February reflections post.

Most of my time has been spent in school, of course. So adventures all occurred outside of school hours. There have been adventures in school as well but let's talk about that later. At the end of February PH and I went to visit the newly opened cat cafe in Clarke Quay. The place was swarming with pretty cats and you can imagine how much I was squealing for the whole hour. When we went there most of the cats were sleeping, so we weren't really able to play with them much, and we spent most of the time just admiring how cute they were and trying to wake them up.

Clarke Quay was also a very beautiful area to just take a casual stroll with your loved one. I can't believe I haven't gone there more often. Walking around the area made me feel as if I'm not in Singapore, like I'm a tourist in some foreign land. I guess Clarke Quay is more of a place where rich angmohs would go because that's just the nature of the place. Would really love to go there one day to sit by the river with a bottle of beer in hand.

This lovely cat didn't even realise we put a mouse on its head because it was so comfortably sleeping. :)


One of the prettier cats in the Cat Cafe; completely white fur with BLUE eyes! And I learnt that only 15% of such cats are not deaf, because apparently being white with blue eyes carries some genetic defects in cats.





I distinctly remember saying and thinking that A Level results release was a very long way away, but now that I think back time just passed so quickly. Like I said, 2014 seems to be flying by faster than any other year thus far. Anyway, talking about results is for another time. After the apocalypse PH and I went out to treat ourselves to a very delicious lunch/high tea at Tiong Bahru Bakery (that is actually located at Orchard). Their pastries are all so undescribably delicious and I would definitely recommend it to anyone who wants to treat themselves to a nice meal. The Lymph of the Nile tea was also so great, and I don't know why I haven't drunk it before. I need to get my hands on some teabags, definitely.



In the same week four of us went to J's house to bake some chocolate lava cakes! Wasn't too successful I think but at least there was chocolate lava! Had such a fun time there and baking is surprisingly a very therapeutic activity.








So how has February been for me? Well, I spent too much money, for one. Having the power of a card is probably too much for me and I just went about purchasing whatever I wanted without hesitation, though sometimes I regretted it later. I'm gonna have to try to control and regulate my own spending for this month because otherwise how am I ever gonna manage my own expenses in the future ._.

Also I felt that February was a month of change for me. Before the start of the month I always felt so convicted to take music at a tertiary level. However, after February passed with Chinese New Year and all, people kept asking me what I wanted to do and when I told them they would say "Huh, really?" with a very tentative and suspicious tone. And then there's the need to go overseas as well. So now I'm leaning more towards the side of staying local and not studying music. As to what to study I'm not completely sure yet, but I hope that I'll be able to sustain my interest in music even while studying something else.

This month I've also been neglecting my devotion and spending time with God, even though I know how therapeutic and calming it is to sit down and read the Word. Definitely hope to pick it up again from March onwards.

So how has February been for you guys? Hope that March will be good or even better for everyone :)

Hey everyone who still reads my blog, lol. I've thought about this for a fairly long time, and I've come to a decision that I should move my posts to a new site. This current site has had a history of around 5 years and it was a very difficult decision for me to give it up. Looking back on all those memories just gives me a huge wave of nostalgia. There are some posts that I read now and I want to laugh at my past self. Some memories are meant to be buried. I think I need a fresh start, with a more organised blog with organised thoughts, so that's what I'll be doing.

I won't be deleting this blog just yet; I'll remove it forever at the end of the year as a permanent closure to all my past life events. I'll be moving some of my posts in this blog to the new one, mainly the book reviews and some of my own reflective posts from this year. I'll also be keeping the same URL for my new site, dulcetspiel, and I'll be changing the URL for this blog to thyhilary.blogspot until the end of the year where I'll delete it.

So what can you expect in my new site? Pretty much the same things, just that I hope to organise them into a more structured site, and I'll be adding in my thoughts on my daily QTs, as well as music I'm currently listening to or playing (classical music or not). You'll see more when I put my new site up.

Yes, so. Things that are meant to be buried will be buried forever and I'll be starting a new thread of history from next week onwards. It's been a good 5 years on this site, and I thank all my readers for reading my posts, whether they were boring or entertaining. I'll see you guys later, cheers :)
A new month, again. It feels like 2014 is going by too quickly. Still unsure of the future and the path I'll take. At a crossroad where a lot of thinking and overthinking and speculation is involved. Another month of new experiences, of joy, hurt, happiness, pain, disappointment. Things may happen, we just don't know yet.

-xx-

I just want you to know this: you aren't the only one hurting. Call me selfish, but by shutting yourself away from your loved ones, you hurt them. You don't feel it because you're buried in your own miserable pit of self-pity. You're surrounded by your own negativity and it traps you in a well so deep that you do not realise the things you are doing to the people around you. You are selfish for wallowing in your own shit and for refusing to open up to anyone who wants to help you. People want to share your pain, to share your sorrows and bitterness and you just shut them out because you "don't feel like talking" and "want to be left alone". Doing so is like piercing a million nails in their souls. You expect people to help and make you feel better but you don't take the initiative to open up; how then is anyone supposed to help you, even if they wanted to?

You think you're hurting the most; but oh how incredibly wrong you are.
It's really funny how one can plan for one's life in such detail, and then end up embarking on another path entirely. As I gradually receive university offers into courses I didn't even know about last year, I came to realise one thing: we can lay everything in our lives out, but in the end life just isn't what you expect it to be.

I initially wanted to study music in the UK; I went about telling all my friends about how determined I was about it, and they believed me. Even I believed it myself. Now I'm faced with the dilemma of which school to study in Singapore, and no, the course I'm looking at isn't music.

It's funny how time just flies by and it seems like my thoughts and impressions changed overnight, but of course that isn't the case. Over time I realised how music is a really niche course, and how if I do specialise in it I have to look forward to a tough life here in Singapore. Not to criticise anything or anyone, but being a musician in Singapore is tough, and I respect every single thriving local musician. Now that I think about it I don't feel that I can be such an excellent musician. I've seen people around me, students who genuinely have a passion in music, and I see how they shape their surroundings to suit their passion. For me, music is more of an interest than a passion. I like music, I can play, I can analyse, but I don't see myself doing it for the rest of my life. Thus my decision.

I'd rather keep music as a personal hobby - going for concerts, playing new pieces, learning new instruments - I would love to do these in my own free time. But having to do it as a lifetime job would probably just tire me out. I want to discover other things out there in the big ugly world, and at the same time keep and maintain my love and talent in music.


No. of pages: 500+
Plot: 4/5
Characters and development: 4.5/5
Overall: 4/5

Once again, this was a book I managed to borrow from the library. Delirium is the first book in a trilogy by acclaimed novelist Lauren Oliver. I started reading this book right after I finished reading The Program, so I felt that there were a number of similarities between the nature of these two books, the most major one being that they both have their plots revolving around a disease: for The Program, it's depression, and for Delirium, it's love.

In Delirium, we slowly discover how the human population has come to think that love, or amor deliria nervosa, is the foundation for all problems and conflicts, such as hatred, war, pain, etc. So they invented a "cure" which involves an operation so that people would become immune to the disease and their lives would go on smoothly. Of course one setback is the need to continue the human population, and without love the only way they were able to do it is to have matches lined up for them. So in a way, people would get married and have kids because it was an obligation to do so and to ensure the continuity of the human race. There were screwups, obviously, like cases of mothers drowning their children in toilet bowls because the parents just don't feel attached to their children at all. Oliver paints a picture where a child falls and starts crying but the parents just don't care. Also, it broke my heart in the scene where a dog got hit by a regulator and the owners just left it to die outside in pain because they felt nothing.

The plot centres around Lena, a girl who at first was looking forward to the day of her procedure where she would become "safe" from the deliria. As the story progresses we see how the walls she puts up are broken down by a guy called Alex, with whom she eventually falls in love with. She also has a best friend, Hana, with whom she always hangs out with, takes jogs with, etc. I loved how smoothly Oliver was able to develop these individual characters, especially Lena, and how the things around her affected her ideas on love. I loved Hana throughout the book - how she was so daring to step out of conformity unlike Lena, and how she was such a major influence on Hana's eventual shift in mindset.

I can't wait to read the next book in the trilogy (Pandemonium), and see how Lena's future turns out. For all who have read the book before, you'll know what I mean when I say I was really bummed at the end of the book.

I would recommend this book to people who like dystopian series like The Hunger Games. The concept of having love as a disease itself is highly intriguing and you have to wonder how people even live without it. Oliver paints the situation very well in showing how people are so afraid of love and how it is pretty much a taboo that warrants even a death penalty if mentioned.

Quotes from Delirium:
"Love: A single word, a wispy thing, a world no bigger or longer than an edge. That’s what it is: an edge; a razor. It draws up through the centre of your life, cutting everything in two. Before and after. The rest of the world falls away on either side. Before and after - and during, a moment no bigger or longer than an edge."

"Sometimes I feel like if you just watch things, just sit still and let the world exist in front of you - sometimes I swear that just for a second time freezes and the world pauses in its tilt. Just for a second. And if you somehow found a way to live in that second, then you would live forever."

"I know the past will drag you backward and down, have you snatching at whispers of wind and the gibberish of trees rubbing together, trying to decipher some code, trying to piece together what was broken. It’s hopeless. The past is nothing but a weight. It will build inside of you like a stone."
I have found my greatest flaw: spending WAY too much money. This February I spent over $500 and this month, I spent over $800. Over 800 BUCKS. I told myself I wasn't going to go over my expenditure for February but evidently I've failed. I'm not even working any more so my income is going to stop soon. But wait. I need to blame my explosive March expenditure on something.

Last night on my way home I got stopped by a salesgirl from a skincare shop. Obviously one of the more branded shops, their products were expensive and they kept promoting them to me. Somehow the things they wanted me to buy just piled up on top of each other. I tried telling them I had no money and I was not going to buy the products then but oh no, they insisted and kept on insisting. They didn't even wait for me to agree to buy the products before saying, "Oh so you're paying by cash or card?" Maybe I'm just not strong-willed enough but eventually after over an hour in the shop I relented and bought over $100 worth of skincare products because of some "promotion" they were having.

I. Am. So. Pissed.

Perhaps this is the only way I'm going to learn to be more ruthless when it comes to dealing with salesmen and women. In the end the only person I can blame is myself because after all, the sales people are just doing what they have to do to promote their company's products and I became a victim. I let myself become the victim. I can't believe I ended up spending over 800 bucks this month, and I'm not even paying for any bills of any kind. Spending is definitely my greatest flaw.

I hope I never forget this experience. A life lesson encompassed inside that hour spent in that shop. Seriously, guys, I pity that you have to spend so much effort promoting your products, but from here on I am NOT going to be so kind as to patronise your shops any longer, especially if you have some "promotion" because that's just a way to get my attention. I was stupid. But I won't be any more.

After discussion with PH last night and beating myself up over the incident, we decided that next month my spending limit will be $200. Fortunately I still have the last income from my internship coming in next month so at least that'll compensate for some of my spending this month. Yes, $200 is enough for one month if I go completely budget, and going budget is something I have to do for a while to regulate my poor spending habits. This means no shopping, no fine dining or high tea, no impulsive buying, as well as constant checking and recording of my own expenditure. The idea of this limit is not to reduce my spending, but to keep within the damn limit.

I hope I have the discipline to go through with this plan.
I've taken a lot to writing recently, writing on blogs, essays, reflections, articles, etc. It's draining and therapeutic at the same time, and I still don't really know if I want to do something related to journalism in the future.

ANYWAY. Let's talk about my Clarke Quay adventures with PH yesterday :) Hadn't gone to Clarke Quay for years until that day I went to the Cat Cafe and just fell in love with the place. The atmosphere is amazing - so calm and peaceful - and just walking along the roads and down the rows of shops and through the underpasses can be very romantic and simply lovely. When PH asked me to go with him for lunch at Clarke Quay I was so happy just to be able to go there again. (Unfortunately the place we were going to eat at was already past the last lunch order by the time we got there.)

Beware: many photos ahead. Hahaha.





Have you ever heard of Love Locks? It is a concept taken from other parts of the world such as France and Italy, where it is believed that if a couple lock a lock on a fence and throw away the key, their love will be locked forever. They brought it to Singapore and there's just a small collection of them at Clarke Quay. I've never actually seen a collection with my own eyes before, so when I chanced upon it in Clarke Quay, I had to take a photo because of how pretty it looked, and how there are so many couples who valiantly took this pledge to make their love last a lifetime and more.













So yes, Clarke Quay is an absolutely amazing and beautiful place. If you've never been there before, and you enjoy scenic walks and quiet afternoons, I strongly encourage you to go. This area is one in Singapore you will not want to miss. Even if you're just going out for a casual chat with your friends, Clarke Quay is one of the places you should consider going to (if you don't mind food a little on the upper end). And it's always nice to bring your other half out here just to sit by the river and have a cold, refreshing beer.
Written by Calista Fung
26 Mar 2014

If left to my own devices, I love being comfortable. I love things that are easy. Who doesn’t? But sometimes, I love to be too comfortable. (Don’t you?) I want to expend minimum effort whilst receiving maximum return. I want to wear pajamas and stay inside all day but still fall in love. I want to take a month to reply to an email from my friend in another city, and then wish we were closer. I want to ace my exams without studying for them. I read articles telling me that I am enough, that I don’t ever need to change, that self-love is the best and only love — and then I do nothing to change this.

Let’s be clear. Being too comfortable is not self-love. How am I loving myself when I encourage stagnancy? How am I loving myself when I’m not forcing myself to grow? Growing is a process. It takes time, but more than that, it takes discipline. It is a conscious choice. Nobody likes to do it, but you need to. You need to face the hard fact that you can always be a better version of yourself and if you want to change, the only way is to change something in your life. Otherwise, you will always be the same. You will be here and everything and everybody will leave you behind.

You will not grow by remaining. You will not grow by settling into routine and putting things off until any period of later time. You will not grow by making excuses, by doing the bare minimum to get by. You grow by stretching yourself. You grow by taking the extracurricular that will take up every Saturday afternoon because even though you want to sleep in and watch movies, you could be learning something new.

Living life on the edge doesn’t always mean big trips filled with metaphorical meaning. Sometimes it’s just sitting next to a stranger and asking them how they are instead of pulling out your cell phone to avoid conversation. Sometimes it’s joining that club you don’t have all that much interest in and surprising yourself if you like it. You could read a book outside the normal genre you reach for. You could try new music, visit an art gallery, observe another religion for a week. Why not go into that ethnic restaurant you pass by everyday to get to work? Sometimes it’s just starting something you meant to get around to but somehow always pushed back.

Growing means gratitude and acknowledgment of everybody around you who loved you and collectively raised you. Growing means apologizing for your mistakes. Or it could be being the bigger person. It could be choosing to forgive somebody. It could be choosing to forgive yourself.

Here’s the thing: you don’t have much time. You’re alive now and not later, not before. One day, it will be too late to start speaking a new language or meeting a new friend (no matter how socially awkward you think you may be) or cooking a new dish you always thought you couldn’t. Stop doing things based on how convenient they are for you. Life is inconvenient.

It’s hard work, this growing business, because to grow means you have to step out of your circle. It means you have to move. But, I promise, the pay-off is amazing. There’s a whole world out there and it’s beautiful and you could drown in wonder just experiencing a small slice of it, one Saturday afternoon at a time.
I consider myself to be a pretty sensitive person, even an overly sensitive one. When I hear something that was meant to be a joke but sounded like a mock to me, I start holding a grudge. When a seemingly harmless action seems offensive to Christianity to me, I fire up. I'm someone who wants everyone to be happy, who doesn't want anyone to hate me, who would do anything to right a wrong or fix a relationship. Okay, maybe that's more of insecurity than sensitivity, but I do become very sensitive to the things I hear and see around me.

However, I do not hold onto a grudge against someone to the point of years or months after the said incident. In addition, the said incident was not even proven to be true. In fact, it's false. I understand your protectiveness, but what you claim to have happened did not even transpire. When I found out why you are so angry with me to block me off all social media (yes I keep track like that), I felt shocked. Because what you claim had happened occurred over a year ago now, and yet you're still holding on so tightly to your anger against me. Even I don't hold a grudge for that long, let alone show it. Just goes to show how petty and unreasonable and pathetic you are. Childish.

So this is one friendship/relationship I'm willing not to mend; what are you to me anyway? It's not like we were close to begin with, so I can't really be bothered. I'm fine with having enemies; it just shows that I stood up for something. Continue holding a grudge if you wish, let it seep the life out of you while I get on with my own life. Cheers.
Oh gosh it's March already! Time has flown by so quickly this year and I can't really believe it. I'm ending my TIP at my school in a week's time now and that is just so fast! :( Being a teacher has really grown on me and I really really hope to be able to come back to this industry in the future to teach music, ideally. And no I don't mind spending practically my whole life in school, because I'm comfortable there.

Okay, so I haven't done an update for a very long time, so this post is going to be a casual update / February reflections post.

Most of my time has been spent in school, of course. So adventures all occurred outside of school hours. There have been adventures in school as well but let's talk about that later. At the end of February PH and I went to visit the newly opened cat cafe in Clarke Quay. The place was swarming with pretty cats and you can imagine how much I was squealing for the whole hour. When we went there most of the cats were sleeping, so we weren't really able to play with them much, and we spent most of the time just admiring how cute they were and trying to wake them up.

Clarke Quay was also a very beautiful area to just take a casual stroll with your loved one. I can't believe I haven't gone there more often. Walking around the area made me feel as if I'm not in Singapore, like I'm a tourist in some foreign land. I guess Clarke Quay is more of a place where rich angmohs would go because that's just the nature of the place. Would really love to go there one day to sit by the river with a bottle of beer in hand.

This lovely cat didn't even realise we put a mouse on its head because it was so comfortably sleeping. :)


One of the prettier cats in the Cat Cafe; completely white fur with BLUE eyes! And I learnt that only 15% of such cats are not deaf, because apparently being white with blue eyes carries some genetic defects in cats.





I distinctly remember saying and thinking that A Level results release was a very long way away, but now that I think back time just passed so quickly. Like I said, 2014 seems to be flying by faster than any other year thus far. Anyway, talking about results is for another time. After the apocalypse PH and I went out to treat ourselves to a very delicious lunch/high tea at Tiong Bahru Bakery (that is actually located at Orchard). Their pastries are all so undescribably delicious and I would definitely recommend it to anyone who wants to treat themselves to a nice meal. The Lymph of the Nile tea was also so great, and I don't know why I haven't drunk it before. I need to get my hands on some teabags, definitely.



In the same week four of us went to J's house to bake some chocolate lava cakes! Wasn't too successful I think but at least there was chocolate lava! Had such a fun time there and baking is surprisingly a very therapeutic activity.








So how has February been for me? Well, I spent too much money, for one. Having the power of a card is probably too much for me and I just went about purchasing whatever I wanted without hesitation, though sometimes I regretted it later. I'm gonna have to try to control and regulate my own spending for this month because otherwise how am I ever gonna manage my own expenses in the future ._.

Also I felt that February was a month of change for me. Before the start of the month I always felt so convicted to take music at a tertiary level. However, after February passed with Chinese New Year and all, people kept asking me what I wanted to do and when I told them they would say "Huh, really?" with a very tentative and suspicious tone. And then there's the need to go overseas as well. So now I'm leaning more towards the side of staying local and not studying music. As to what to study I'm not completely sure yet, but I hope that I'll be able to sustain my interest in music even while studying something else.

This month I've also been neglecting my devotion and spending time with God, even though I know how therapeutic and calming it is to sit down and read the Word. Definitely hope to pick it up again from March onwards.

So how has February been for you guys? Hope that March will be good or even better for everyone :)