Feeling really useless and weak now. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I hate to always be the one who initiates the conversations. And I hate it that he doesn't reply sometimes. It's forgivable, but that doesn't mean I don't get angry each time. And everytime it happens the anger gets worse. I don't know if it's true, but it's as if that's done on purpose. Bottled up anger isn't a good thing. It really isn't. Because one day, all that anger has to come out. And the thing is, when it does, it'll come out all at once, and that's when things turn ugly. I can feel the distance between us. But I don't want to be the person who tries so hard to draw us back together and yet to fail in the end. It'll hurt less if I just left it alone and don't try to do anything, right?

Changed the URL of my blog so that I can post things like this, so that I can actually rant properly rather than post things which do not fully contain what I want to say.

It's been too long already. For how many months, he has been like that. And I'm done trying. I've done enough. Now it's his turn. If he wants to do something, then that's great. But if he doesn't, then well I won't do anything either. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't miss him or anything, and it's not like I don't want to talk to him. It's just that I'm trying so hard and he's not. So I don't really know what to feel right now. My mind says to stop trying, but my heart always overwhelms. Well, now I'm done. I'm not going to text him. I'm not going to initiate any form of talk. Not through MSN, not even through Twitter. I'm just gonna leave it and see what he does. If he doesn't do anything, then so be it. Let the distance between us grow larger then. It won't be my fault, because I've already done so much to bring it back, and I've failed, countless times. I've done my part. Now it's his turn.

My heart's tired. So is my mind, from thinking so much. I need to stop thinking about this. I need to rest my mind and my heart. I need to get peace. So for now, I'm only going to think about God, and forget about him. Unless, of course, he talks to me. That'll be a different story. but then again, if he talks to me in such a way that it's totally cold then I'm not replying either. I don't deserve to be treated like that, and he should know. If he doesn't, then well he can figure it out while he doesn't receive a reply from me.

I mean, if you've been really close to someone before, and yet now that person's not even trying to initiate a conversation, of course you'll be sad and try to bring things back to the way it was before, right? But then, what would happen if you tried so hard for so long, and nothing comes out of your efforts? Everything just stays the same sad way that it has become. How would you feel? You'll feel even more sad, you'll feel hurt that the other party isn't even attempting to see the efforts you put in to make things as it were before. And they don't care, they don't add in their own efforts so that things CAN get back to normal. So things stay stagnant, and nothing changes.

Do you know that feeling of hurt? As in, it REALLY hurts. Bad. I wake up every morning, thinking that it's all okay, and then the truth suddenly crashes down. And it crushes me. It burns.

The first person I look for to rant is you. But now? How do you expect me to do that when you're so far away? I don't want to rant to someone who doesn't even listen. I don't want to rant to someone who isn't even paying attention. So now I can't depend on you anymore, can I. You're so far away. How can I depend on someone who's not close to me? How can I tell things to someone who I can't depend on?

You can start doing something about it, because I've already tried everything I could, and I've been wounded beyond repair.

Feeling really useless and weak now. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I hate to always be the one who initiates the conversations. And I hate it that he doesn't reply sometimes. It's forgivable, but that doesn't mean I don't get angry each time. And everytime it happens the anger gets worse. I don't know if it's true, but it's as if that's done on purpose. Bottled up anger isn't a good thing. It really isn't. Because one day, all that anger has to come out. And the thing is, when it does, it'll come out all at once, and that's when things turn ugly. I can feel the distance between us. But I don't want to be the person who tries so hard to draw us back together and yet to fail in the end. It'll hurt less if I just left it alone and don't try to do anything, right?

Changed the URL of my blog so that I can post things like this, so that I can actually rant properly rather than post things which do not fully contain what I want to say.

It's been too long already. For how many months, he has been like that. And I'm done trying. I've done enough. Now it's his turn. If he wants to do something, then that's great. But if he doesn't, then well I won't do anything either. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't miss him or anything, and it's not like I don't want to talk to him. It's just that I'm trying so hard and he's not. So I don't really know what to feel right now. My mind says to stop trying, but my heart always overwhelms. Well, now I'm done. I'm not going to text him. I'm not going to initiate any form of talk. Not through MSN, not even through Twitter. I'm just gonna leave it and see what he does. If he doesn't do anything, then so be it. Let the distance between us grow larger then. It won't be my fault, because I've already done so much to bring it back, and I've failed, countless times. I've done my part. Now it's his turn.

My heart's tired. So is my mind, from thinking so much. I need to stop thinking about this. I need to rest my mind and my heart. I need to get peace. So for now, I'm only going to think about God, and forget about him. Unless, of course, he talks to me. That'll be a different story. but then again, if he talks to me in such a way that it's totally cold then I'm not replying either. I don't deserve to be treated like that, and he should know. If he doesn't, then well he can figure it out while he doesn't receive a reply from me.

I mean, if you've been really close to someone before, and yet now that person's not even trying to initiate a conversation, of course you'll be sad and try to bring things back to the way it was before, right? But then, what would happen if you tried so hard for so long, and nothing comes out of your efforts? Everything just stays the same sad way that it has become. How would you feel? You'll feel even more sad, you'll feel hurt that the other party isn't even attempting to see the efforts you put in to make things as it were before. And they don't care, they don't add in their own efforts so that things CAN get back to normal. So things stay stagnant, and nothing changes.

Do you know that feeling of hurt? As in, it REALLY hurts. Bad. I wake up every morning, thinking that it's all okay, and then the truth suddenly crashes down. And it crushes me. It burns.

The first person I look for to rant is you. But now? How do you expect me to do that when you're so far away? I don't want to rant to someone who doesn't even listen. I don't want to rant to someone who isn't even paying attention. So now I can't depend on you anymore, can I. You're so far away. How can I depend on someone who's not close to me? How can I tell things to someone who I can't depend on?

You can start doing something about it, because I've already tried everything I could, and I've been wounded beyond repair.