I don't feel like talking today, just feel like ranting here. It's quite a long and depressing post ahead, so read it only if you want to.

Sometimes I just don't know why I try. I try so hard to make you happy all the time. Don't get me wrong, I do make you happy (sometimes), but then after a while everything just comes tumbling down like it was nothing at all. Like all my hard efforts meant nothing to you. Okay fine, maybe it seems like I don't even try, I understand, but the fact is I do. And it seems to me like no matter how hard I try, it just isn't enough. The amount of effort I put in is never enough to satisfy you.

I'm not some kind of a machine. I get tired. I can't go on fighting and trying forever. I'm already so exhausted. I've been trying for more than a year, and I've been pushing back comments from other friends when I talk to them, about how I should stop trying so hard because it isn't worth it. Because I've always believed that if I'm doing something for the one I love, then it's definitely worth it, even if it costs me my own happiness. But now I'm wondering if you even see the efforts I put in. Merely telling you that I try so hard isn't enough; if you don't see it then what I tell you is just empty words. Then what's the point? I can't keep this going for the rest of my life.

I'm already so tired.

I'm tired of trying so hard just to receive cold one-word answers.
I'm tired of giving it my all, just to end up crying because it wasn't enough.
I'm tired of being hurt by myself.
I'm tired of anticipating what your next reaction will be.
I'm tired of wishing that things were better.
I'm tired of letting my guard down, and then disappointing you again.
I'm tired of giving you everything I am, just to find out it isn't enough for you.
I'm tired of trying.

You know, sometimes I just wish that we were different. Sometimes I just wish that we could be more like those perfect couples that I see once in a while. So effortlessly perfect. Perfectly comfortable around each other, laughing with each other, spending endless times with each other. Yes, sometimes I wish we were more like that.

But we aren't. For us it's hard, heartbreaking, painful, hurting, always ending up in tears which aren't even worth crying for. And then the vicious cycle starts again when it seems like things are finally getting better. When exactly will things get better? I don't even know whether that will ever happen.

It takes two to tango, but what if either one of us falls every time?

Tell me, what now? What do you want me to do? I'm tired of asking that question.

I don't feel like talking today, just feel like ranting here. It's quite a long and depressing post ahead, so read it only if you want to.

Sometimes I just don't know why I try. I try so hard to make you happy all the time. Don't get me wrong, I do make you happy (sometimes), but then after a while everything just comes tumbling down like it was nothing at all. Like all my hard efforts meant nothing to you. Okay fine, maybe it seems like I don't even try, I understand, but the fact is I do. And it seems to me like no matter how hard I try, it just isn't enough. The amount of effort I put in is never enough to satisfy you.

I'm not some kind of a machine. I get tired. I can't go on fighting and trying forever. I'm already so exhausted. I've been trying for more than a year, and I've been pushing back comments from other friends when I talk to them, about how I should stop trying so hard because it isn't worth it. Because I've always believed that if I'm doing something for the one I love, then it's definitely worth it, even if it costs me my own happiness. But now I'm wondering if you even see the efforts I put in. Merely telling you that I try so hard isn't enough; if you don't see it then what I tell you is just empty words. Then what's the point? I can't keep this going for the rest of my life.

I'm already so tired.

I'm tired of trying so hard just to receive cold one-word answers.
I'm tired of giving it my all, just to end up crying because it wasn't enough.
I'm tired of being hurt by myself.
I'm tired of anticipating what your next reaction will be.
I'm tired of wishing that things were better.
I'm tired of letting my guard down, and then disappointing you again.
I'm tired of giving you everything I am, just to find out it isn't enough for you.
I'm tired of trying.

You know, sometimes I just wish that we were different. Sometimes I just wish that we could be more like those perfect couples that I see once in a while. So effortlessly perfect. Perfectly comfortable around each other, laughing with each other, spending endless times with each other. Yes, sometimes I wish we were more like that.

But we aren't. For us it's hard, heartbreaking, painful, hurting, always ending up in tears which aren't even worth crying for. And then the vicious cycle starts again when it seems like things are finally getting better. When exactly will things get better? I don't even know whether that will ever happen.

It takes two to tango, but what if either one of us falls every time?

Tell me, what now? What do you want me to do? I'm tired of asking that question.