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Hilary
Child of God.
Pianist and musician.

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27 February 2012 | 0 comments
Everything you do and everything you say is just hurting me and cutting deep into my soul. It hurts. If I'm just a burden to you then why don't you just leave me? Then you won't have to worry about your pride. Then you won't have to worry about anything. I'm just the cause of all your problems, right? I don't bring you happiness. Perhaps I never did in the first place. Without me you'd be a better person. Without me you'd be living your life to its fullest, not entrapped in someone else's cage. Without me you wouldn't shed any tears. Without me you won't suffer any heartaches, any heartbreaks. Without me... everything would be better, wouldn't it? So why are you still holding on? If you don't think this is bringing you happiness but rather sadness, then I'm sure it'd be a better decision for you to leave me. Doesn't matter whether I end up hurting in the background, what's important is that you're happy, right? I'm just this insignificant tool used to bring you happiness, but now this tool isn't working any more. This tool is expired, spent, overused, to the point where all its juice has been squeezed out and what's left of it is merely a pulp. It doesn't serve any purpose any longer; it only takes up space. Space which can be filled with better things, like pride, like happiness. So just throw me away. Burn me into ashes and return me to the dust, because that's where I belong, right? With no purpose and no meaning, where else can I go? And anyway, with that you'll be happy, and that's what matters the most, isn't it? I'm just this insignificant piece of rubbish, there in the background. Your pride's so important, so get rid of whatever/whoever is hindering it, i.e. me. Without me there, you'll be happier. That's true, isn't it? If you've never met me your life would have taken a different path altogether, and you would have been in a much better situation than what you're in now, with your pride lost and everything. Like I said, I'm insignificant, so just throw me away. No, scratch that. I'm not insignificant, I'm worse than that. I'm the one hindering your happiness in life, and your pride. What use is there for someone like that? Useless. Absolutely, utterly useless. Nothing but trash. And what do people do with trash? They throw it out. Yes, throw me out. Even the stray dogs out there won't even bother sniffing at me, because I'm just completely useless. Worthless and stupid and insignificant. It's not even worth anything for me to exist. Me existing is a complete waste. Thousands of other better things can be done with time invested in my existence. Precious time which can be invested in happiness and pride. So just leave me here, alone, because of the insignificance that is me. Why are you still holding on? Don't, she's not worth even an inch of your time and effort. Anything spent on her is a complete waste. It would be better to spend that time and effort running in circles than to spend it on her. So just leave her be. She won't survive, but who cares? You don't have to care. Don't even bother caring. She's not worth it.
She's not worth it.
She's not worth it.
She's not worth it.
She's not worth it.
She's not worth it.
She's not worth it.
I'm not worth it.

The insignificance that is me is useless and not worth anything.

Keep telling yourself that, and one day you'll believe it. And one day you'll look back and you'll be so thankful for leaving, because time spent for me then was such a terrible waste.