The One That Got Away.
It's kind of sad how sometimes we drift away from the people we thought would be with us for a lifetime. Close friends are hard to come by, but they slowly fade away with time too. We all have different close friends at different times - that's just a hard fact that we have to swallow. Because we are ever-changing, our personality never stays the same. You may wake up one day and realise, hey, you're not close to him/her any more. You'd realise that you'd already gone for days on end without talking to that person, and through that time spent apart you've learnt how to live without him/her by your side. And so friendships fade.
I guess the phrase "Friends Forever" isn't really justified. But that's reality.
I've been feeling horrible lately. There's been so many things on my mind that people can tell by just looking at me. I've been asked countless times this week, "Hil, are you okay?" and every single time I say yes. I mean, what else can I possibly say? "No I'm not okay because I feel like my heart is torn and I'm having *this* problem and *that* problem..." and so on. I'd rather say a simple "yes" than really start talking because once I do, I'll probably just go on and on without stopping. And there are some things that I'd like to keep confined in myself, even though it may be unhealthy for me. But maybe that's why I seem to be so cold and spaced out all the time, because I don't tell anyone anything any more. I used to open myself up easily to pretty much anyone but now it's like there's a wall built around me. I've become so guarded with my words and actions recently and sometimes it's so bad I can't even recognise who I really am. Things are really a blur now and it's like my heart is being split and dispersed into a few sections. I'm wavering back and forth, left and right, up and down. I'm at my breaking point.
I try not to reveal my emotions and to always plant a smile on my face in front of everyone so that they'll think nothing's wrong but recently that hasn't been working. Already broke down once yesterday over such a small thing with my older brother and now I really can't tell when the next time I break is going to be. I seems like I can't keep my own emotions under control any longer. They're just emanating from me without my permission. I don't know what to do.
Perhaps it's just the stress of JC in general. About how the workload has suddenly shot up. About how the whole school system has changed such that I'm totally not used to it. About how hard it is just to finish one day's homework on time. About how I can never get enough sleep, even when it's the weekend. About all the suspense that comes with being a C1 student in HC. But no, I know it's not just that. I'm giving myself more problems, more complications. I'm trapped in my own cage and I can't get out.
Maybe I should just detach myself from everyone and everything before things become too much for me to bear. Maybe now's a good time for a break in order to figure everything out. I need to stop feeding my negative emotions and amplifying them. I know I'm taking so many things for granted. But I guess sometimes you just have to be a bit selfish. In certain circumstances. That's how people pull through - they choose the option that best suits themselves without considering what their decisions may do to everyone else.
On a side note, the campaigning journey thus far has been a really busy and tiring, albeit fun one. I've gained so much from the campaigning journey alone, and I can only hope that tomorrow when the GE results will be desirable. Grateful for my campaign group HigH Like Dat and for everyone who gave me support throughout this period. :) Tomorrow's going to be the final lap, and then the 39th Students' Council will be revealed. Q&A and results on the same day; it's like getting a heart attack twice in one day. Oh well, nothing we can do now, right? We've already come so far, what's the point if we give up now?
Just saw this quote from Joyce Meyer on Twitter: "Trusting God brings life. Believing brings rest. So stop trying to figure everything out, and let God be God in your life." Going to leave everything in God's hands, because He knows best. Whatever the outcome, I'll just be grateful. Amen.
VOTD:
"The fool says in his heart, 'There is no God.' They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good." Psalm 14:1 (NIV)
The One That Got Away.
It's kind of sad how sometimes we drift away from the people we thought would be with us for a lifetime. Close friends are hard to come by, but they slowly fade away with time too. We all have different close friends at different times - that's just a hard fact that we have to swallow. Because we are ever-changing, our personality never stays the same. You may wake up one day and realise, hey, you're not close to him/her any more. You'd realise that you'd already gone for days on end without talking to that person, and through that time spent apart you've learnt how to live without him/her by your side. And so friendships fade.
I guess the phrase "Friends Forever" isn't really justified. But that's reality.
I've been feeling horrible lately. There's been so many things on my mind that people can tell by just looking at me. I've been asked countless times this week, "Hil, are you okay?" and every single time I say yes. I mean, what else can I possibly say? "No I'm not okay because I feel like my heart is torn and I'm having *this* problem and *that* problem..." and so on. I'd rather say a simple "yes" than really start talking because once I do, I'll probably just go on and on without stopping. And there are some things that I'd like to keep confined in myself, even though it may be unhealthy for me. But maybe that's why I seem to be so cold and spaced out all the time, because I don't tell anyone anything any more. I used to open myself up easily to pretty much anyone but now it's like there's a wall built around me. I've become so guarded with my words and actions recently and sometimes it's so bad I can't even recognise who I really am. Things are really a blur now and it's like my heart is being split and dispersed into a few sections. I'm wavering back and forth, left and right, up and down. I'm at my breaking point.
I try not to reveal my emotions and to always plant a smile on my face in front of everyone so that they'll think nothing's wrong but recently that hasn't been working. Already broke down once yesterday over such a small thing with my older brother and now I really can't tell when the next time I break is going to be. I seems like I can't keep my own emotions under control any longer. They're just emanating from me without my permission. I don't know what to do.
Perhaps it's just the stress of JC in general. About how the workload has suddenly shot up. About how the whole school system has changed such that I'm totally not used to it. About how hard it is just to finish one day's homework on time. About how I can never get enough sleep, even when it's the weekend. About all the suspense that comes with being a C1 student in HC. But no, I know it's not just that. I'm giving myself more problems, more complications. I'm trapped in my own cage and I can't get out.
Maybe I should just detach myself from everyone and everything before things become too much for me to bear. Maybe now's a good time for a break in order to figure everything out. I need to stop feeding my negative emotions and amplifying them. I know I'm taking so many things for granted. But I guess sometimes you just have to be a bit selfish. In certain circumstances. That's how people pull through - they choose the option that best suits themselves without considering what their decisions may do to everyone else.
On a side note, the campaigning journey thus far has been a really busy and tiring, albeit fun one. I've gained so much from the campaigning journey alone, and I can only hope that tomorrow when the GE results will be desirable. Grateful for my campaign group HigH Like Dat and for everyone who gave me support throughout this period. :) Tomorrow's going to be the final lap, and then the 39th Students' Council will be revealed. Q&A and results on the same day; it's like getting a heart attack twice in one day. Oh well, nothing we can do now, right? We've already come so far, what's the point if we give up now?
Just saw this quote from Joyce Meyer on Twitter: "Trusting God brings life. Believing brings rest. So stop trying to figure everything out, and let God be God in your life." Going to leave everything in God's hands, because He knows best. Whatever the outcome, I'll just be grateful. Amen.
VOTD:
"The fool says in his heart, 'There is no God.' They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good." Psalm 14:1 (NIV)
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