We're Going Down.
One of the questions I received on Formspring:
"How do you know if you love someone?"
There's a famous quote, that goes something like, "If you like someone for less than 4 months, it's a crush, but if it lasts more than that, you're already in love". Of course, it's hard to tell when you like someone whether it's just infatuation, or true love. I'm not an expert on this, but in my opinion, sometimes a crush can develop into love. To me it really depends on how you look at it. If you get into a relationship, will you push on through hard times or will you just let go when there're minor setbacks? There're different stages to any relationship.
Stage 1: Meeting
This is the stage where both parties meet, either coincidentally or during an activity or something, and most of the time you just think: He/she is just another random person in my life. You wouldn't think that that person would become so important in your life as time passes. Both parties start out as strangers.
Stage 2: Chasing
This is where both parties start to develop feelings for each other, a crush, and all they want is to just be with the other party. So they're chasing each other in that sense. You would spend every moment thinking about him/her, wanting to spend time with him/her, and probably neglecting some stuff and giving excuses just to be with him/her. Some people may regard this as the most fun stage in a relationship. You would think the other party is perfect for you, and everytime you see him/her you get butterflies and become all nervous. So the party's feelings develop to become stronger, a crush. Eventually, when both parties have the same mutual feeling, a relationship starts.
Stage 3: A Piece of Heaven
The start of any relationship is usually the most fun (and the most juicy), because you get to do whatever you want, and you get to spend it together with the person whom you love the most. You get to express your affection for the other party fully, both physically and verbally (and mentally?) - holding their hand, putting your arm around their shoulders, saying "I love you". It feels like you've got a piece of heaven whenever you're with them.
Stage 4: Comfortable
As time passes, both parties eventually know each other like the back of their hand, and they become very comfortable with each other, with no need to hide anything from each other at all. At this point, a relationship could go both ways. Either the couple use it positively, continuing to develop their relationship and building it up together, or they could create distance, and start taking each other for granted, resulting in hurt for both parties. The feelings are not as strong as before, and eventually, someone stops trying. If this is the direction the relationship takes, then it'll lead to Stage 5.
Stage 5: Tolerance
At this stage, both parties just tolerate each other. Their relationship doesn't seem that special anymore, and tolerance is the only way that both use to sustain their relationship. Arguments come in, and most of the time it's over petty things like deciding where to eat. Both parties usually don't remember what they even argue about.
Stage 6: Spiralling Down
The relationship then takes a bell curve and spirals downwards. It seems as if the relationship isn't worth sustaining anymore, and eventually comes the breakup.
Stage 7: Breakup
This is the saddest part of a relationship. Most couples would want this to happen on mutual terms, but the change is so drastic that sometimes couples may want to get back together again right away. But many others just grow apart, go their own different ways, perhaps find someone new, and then it reverts back to square one, strangers. Things are never the same between them.
At this point, let's backtrack a bit to Stage 4. I think if you love someone, you will be willing to continue developing the relationship together and grow stronger. If a couple really loves each other, their love will develop positively, instead of just dying away, and this development of a relationship is not necessarily straightforward or easy. Really being in love with someone will spur you on to continue loving them, and the feelings of both parties will not fade. In fact it's quite the opposite: the feelings will grow stronger. It's like being best friends really - you always have things to say to each other, even when you've been best friends for years and years.
Only time will tell if you really, genuinely love a person. It's very hard to tell in a matter of a few months, or even years. Loving someone isn't an easy task, it requires a lot of determination to sustain the feelings, because as we all know, feelings do fade in time. In a sense, the quotation from the second paragraph of this post is true. A crush can develop into love if you're willing to push on. Another quote: "Marry the person you love, or love the person you marry." Feelings fade, but it's up to the couple to make it develop into a stronger love for each other.
So how do you know if you love someone? Only time and determination will tell.
We're Going Down.
One of the questions I received on Formspring:
"How do you know if you love someone?"
There's a famous quote, that goes something like, "If you like someone for less than 4 months, it's a crush, but if it lasts more than that, you're already in love". Of course, it's hard to tell when you like someone whether it's just infatuation, or true love. I'm not an expert on this, but in my opinion, sometimes a crush can develop into love. To me it really depends on how you look at it. If you get into a relationship, will you push on through hard times or will you just let go when there're minor setbacks? There're different stages to any relationship.
Stage 1: Meeting
This is the stage where both parties meet, either coincidentally or during an activity or something, and most of the time you just think: He/she is just another random person in my life. You wouldn't think that that person would become so important in your life as time passes. Both parties start out as strangers.
Stage 2: Chasing
This is where both parties start to develop feelings for each other, a crush, and all they want is to just be with the other party. So they're chasing each other in that sense. You would spend every moment thinking about him/her, wanting to spend time with him/her, and probably neglecting some stuff and giving excuses just to be with him/her. Some people may regard this as the most fun stage in a relationship. You would think the other party is perfect for you, and everytime you see him/her you get butterflies and become all nervous. So the party's feelings develop to become stronger, a crush. Eventually, when both parties have the same mutual feeling, a relationship starts.
Stage 3: A Piece of Heaven
The start of any relationship is usually the most fun (and the most juicy), because you get to do whatever you want, and you get to spend it together with the person whom you love the most. You get to express your affection for the other party fully, both physically and verbally (and mentally?) - holding their hand, putting your arm around their shoulders, saying "I love you". It feels like you've got a piece of heaven whenever you're with them.
Stage 4: Comfortable
As time passes, both parties eventually know each other like the back of their hand, and they become very comfortable with each other, with no need to hide anything from each other at all. At this point, a relationship could go both ways. Either the couple use it positively, continuing to develop their relationship and building it up together, or they could create distance, and start taking each other for granted, resulting in hurt for both parties. The feelings are not as strong as before, and eventually, someone stops trying. If this is the direction the relationship takes, then it'll lead to Stage 5.
Stage 5: Tolerance
At this stage, both parties just tolerate each other. Their relationship doesn't seem that special anymore, and tolerance is the only way that both use to sustain their relationship. Arguments come in, and most of the time it's over petty things like deciding where to eat. Both parties usually don't remember what they even argue about.
Stage 6: Spiralling Down
The relationship then takes a bell curve and spirals downwards. It seems as if the relationship isn't worth sustaining anymore, and eventually comes the breakup.
Stage 7: Breakup
This is the saddest part of a relationship. Most couples would want this to happen on mutual terms, but the change is so drastic that sometimes couples may want to get back together again right away. But many others just grow apart, go their own different ways, perhaps find someone new, and then it reverts back to square one, strangers. Things are never the same between them.
At this point, let's backtrack a bit to Stage 4. I think if you love someone, you will be willing to continue developing the relationship together and grow stronger. If a couple really loves each other, their love will develop positively, instead of just dying away, and this development of a relationship is not necessarily straightforward or easy. Really being in love with someone will spur you on to continue loving them, and the feelings of both parties will not fade. In fact it's quite the opposite: the feelings will grow stronger. It's like being best friends really - you always have things to say to each other, even when you've been best friends for years and years.
Only time will tell if you really, genuinely love a person. It's very hard to tell in a matter of a few months, or even years. Loving someone isn't an easy task, it requires a lot of determination to sustain the feelings, because as we all know, feelings do fade in time. In a sense, the quotation from the second paragraph of this post is true. A crush can develop into love if you're willing to push on. Another quote: "Marry the person you love, or love the person you marry." Feelings fade, but it's up to the couple to make it develop into a stronger love for each other.
So how do you know if you love someone? Only time and determination will tell.
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