Came back not too long ago from service at Victory Church in YWCA. Victory Church is a really small and young church, and the Cherith youth were invited to take over their service today. The service wasn't too bad; I felt a sense of accomplishment when it ended. Today, the Youth Worship Team has achieved something new - serving in other areas other than in Cherith itself. God has really used the Youth Worship Team as His instruments today, and I'm really glad.

On a side note, I just want to say that I really hate hiding things from people, especially my parents. Many people have told me before to do something about this, to approach my parents about my relationship, but I just can't. I don't know, perhaps I don't have the courage to, like for so many other things. Perhaps I just don't DARE to approach them on this, because I know that if I do, I will suffer major scoldings and hundreds of lectures afterwards. But I hate hiding more. Every single time I try to hide it from them, I lie, and I sin. And the hole in my heart just rips open a little more each time this happens. I know what I'm doing is wrong, my conscience keeps telling me to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I just can't bring myself to do so. I've been lectured before by so many people from my family, even my extended family: my parents, my brother, my grandma. Even my uncle came to my house once, went with me to my room, closed the door and started talking to me about it.

I've been caught so many times already, that now if I do get caught I probably won't feel much as compared to the first time I was caught. And I know there's something wrong there, because if I don't feel anything much, then it's like saying that hiding it is not wrong. I mean, that's bad. I definitely don't want to be like that. And if this continues, who knows, in the future when we finally reveal to my parents that we are together, what would they ask? "Since when?" "I thought you stopped talking to him a long time ago?" "How come you two have been keeping in contact all this time without me knowing?" What kind of first impression would that set? No, scratch that. Their first impression is already pretty bad. So that'll just deepen the bad impression. And they probably won't approve even in the future. What would I do then? I'm not exaggerating, because knowing my parents, that is what will probably happen.

Sometimes I really envy people whose parents allow teenage relationships. I imagine it feels nice to know that your parents actually allow you to live your life as your own, and to make your own mistakes, instead of just keeping you within those boundaries and hoping fervently that you won't make the same mistakes they did. It's not wrong, it's different ways of showing affection for their child, but honestly I'd prefer the former. I really hate to be kept in a cage where I can't even stretch my arms. Why can't I just live the way I desire? People learn from making mistakes, not from avoiding them.

Whatever it is, this matter really has to be resolved soon. I need reconciliation. I bet every time my parents here his name they still cringe inside and are reminded of me. I know what I may suffer, but if I don't resolve it now and just continue to wait, it's just going to get harder and harder with time. I certainly don't want the outcome to be what I've mentioned above. So when?

VOTD:
"Sitting down, Jesus called to the Twelve and said, 'Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.'" Mark 9:35 (NIV)

Came back not too long ago from service at Victory Church in YWCA. Victory Church is a really small and young church, and the Cherith youth were invited to take over their service today. The service wasn't too bad; I felt a sense of accomplishment when it ended. Today, the Youth Worship Team has achieved something new - serving in other areas other than in Cherith itself. God has really used the Youth Worship Team as His instruments today, and I'm really glad.

On a side note, I just want to say that I really hate hiding things from people, especially my parents. Many people have told me before to do something about this, to approach my parents about my relationship, but I just can't. I don't know, perhaps I don't have the courage to, like for so many other things. Perhaps I just don't DARE to approach them on this, because I know that if I do, I will suffer major scoldings and hundreds of lectures afterwards. But I hate hiding more. Every single time I try to hide it from them, I lie, and I sin. And the hole in my heart just rips open a little more each time this happens. I know what I'm doing is wrong, my conscience keeps telling me to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I just can't bring myself to do so. I've been lectured before by so many people from my family, even my extended family: my parents, my brother, my grandma. Even my uncle came to my house once, went with me to my room, closed the door and started talking to me about it.

I've been caught so many times already, that now if I do get caught I probably won't feel much as compared to the first time I was caught. And I know there's something wrong there, because if I don't feel anything much, then it's like saying that hiding it is not wrong. I mean, that's bad. I definitely don't want to be like that. And if this continues, who knows, in the future when we finally reveal to my parents that we are together, what would they ask? "Since when?" "I thought you stopped talking to him a long time ago?" "How come you two have been keeping in contact all this time without me knowing?" What kind of first impression would that set? No, scratch that. Their first impression is already pretty bad. So that'll just deepen the bad impression. And they probably won't approve even in the future. What would I do then? I'm not exaggerating, because knowing my parents, that is what will probably happen.

Sometimes I really envy people whose parents allow teenage relationships. I imagine it feels nice to know that your parents actually allow you to live your life as your own, and to make your own mistakes, instead of just keeping you within those boundaries and hoping fervently that you won't make the same mistakes they did. It's not wrong, it's different ways of showing affection for their child, but honestly I'd prefer the former. I really hate to be kept in a cage where I can't even stretch my arms. Why can't I just live the way I desire? People learn from making mistakes, not from avoiding them.

Whatever it is, this matter really has to be resolved soon. I need reconciliation. I bet every time my parents here his name they still cringe inside and are reminded of me. I know what I may suffer, but if I don't resolve it now and just continue to wait, it's just going to get harder and harder with time. I certainly don't want the outcome to be what I've mentioned above. So when?

VOTD:
"Sitting down, Jesus called to the Twelve and said, 'Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.'" Mark 9:35 (NIV)